I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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