I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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