I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize