Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
