We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
