my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
