oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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