Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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