You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
