So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
