when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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