do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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