Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
