you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
