he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
