i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize