6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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