I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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