Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
