Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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