Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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