Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize