i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
