Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
