I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize