Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize