How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
