just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize