Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
