so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
