I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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