well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
