actually, I'm a sock model
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
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