Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
