I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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