you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
