life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
