I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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