I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
