i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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