ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
