Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize