We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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