i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
