She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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