He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
