He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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