Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
