Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
