The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
