Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
