remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
