I CAN MOONWALK!
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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