Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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