First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
no you cant smoke seaweed
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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