I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
