I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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