i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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