WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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