He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
