I like my sex mixed with concussions.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
