There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
