He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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