i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
