I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
