Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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