I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
