And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize