I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
