im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
