so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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